How to Write Wedding Vows
I’ve stood at the front of a lot of ceremonies. I’ve watched couples read vows from a phone, from a crumpled piece of paper pulled from a jacket pocket, from memory, eyes locked, voice shaking slightly. I’ve watched guests cry at words that weren’t even directed at them. And I’ve watched rooms go completely still.
The vows are the moment. Not the dress, not the flowers, not the venue. The bit where two people say something true to each other in front of everyone they love — that’s the photograph I’m always trying to catch.
So here’s what I know, from the other side of the lens.
Looking for a Kent wedding photographer who’ll capture your vows properly? Get in touch.
How to Start Writing Your Wedding Vows
The blank page is the hardest part. A few things that help:
Start with a memory.
Not ‘I love you because you’re kind’ — but the specific Tuesday evening when you knew. The thing they did or said that you haven’t forgotten. Start there and the rest tends to follow.
Write first, edit later.
Write without pressure. Don’t aim for the final version. Put everything down, then cut. The first draft is just for you.
Don’t read anyone else’s vows before your first draft.
Once you read someone else’s words, they get into your head and make yours feel inadequate. Write yours first.
What to Include in Your Wedding Vows
There’s no fixed formula, but most vows that work well cover three things:
A memory or observation.
Something specific about this person that nobody else in that room could say. This is what makes the room lean in.
A promise.
What you’re actually committing to. The traditional ‘in sickness and in health’ works because it’s specific. Vague promises (‘I’ll always be there for you’) are less memorable than honest ones (‘I promise to always make you a cup of tea first’).
A forward look.
One line about the life you’re walking into together. It doesn’t need to be grand.
That’s it. Memory, promise, forward look. Everything else is decoration.
How Long Should Wedding Vows Be?
Short enough that guests don’t lose the thread, long enough to mean something. In practice, that’s usually one to three minutes per person — roughly 150 to 300 words read aloud.A minute of genuine, specific words will land harder than four minutes of beautiful-but-vague sentiment. The temptation is to write more; the instinct to edit is usually right. Read them aloud. Time yourself. If you stumble over a sentence three times in practice, simplify it.
Personal Wedding Vows — Making Them Feel Like You
Personal vows are my favourite part of any ceremony. When someone has clearly written their own words — unpolished, specific, sometimes a little nervous — it’s always more moving than the most beautifully crafted traditional script.
The couples I’ve photographed who’ve written their own vows tend to fall into one of two camps: those who write something funny and warm, and those who write something achingly honest. Both always work. The ones that don’t land are the ones that try to sound like how you think wedding vows are supposed to sound.
Sound like yourself. If you swear occasionally in normal life, a small swear in your vows won’t offend anyone who loves you. If you’re a bit awkward and self-deprecating, lean into that. The specificity is everything.
Do You Need a Celebrant to Write Personal Vows?
Not necessarily — but a good celebrant can be genuinely transformative. A celebrant-led ceremony means the entire service is personalised, not just the vows. They interview you, learn your story, and build the ceremony around it. For couples who want something that feels entirely theirs rather than a prescribed legal format, it’s worth serious consideration.
Some of my favourite ceremonies have been celebrant-led. The freedom it gives couples to shape their own moment is something a registry office or church ceremony often can’t match — though both can still have beautiful, personal vows within them.
Wedding Vows for Him — Tips and Example Openings
Men, on the whole, tend to write shorter vows. Sometimes that’s fine — brevity and honesty are not mutually exclusive. But don’t mistake short for simple. Make sure every line earns its place.
A few example openings to get you started:
“I’ve never been good at saying the right thing at the right time. But I know that marrying you today is the rightest thing I’ve ever done…”
“I’ve spent a long time trying to work out how to say this properly. I’ve given up trying to get it perfect and just decided to tell you the truth…”
“You are the funniest, most infuriating, most wonderful person I’ve ever met. And I’d genuinely like to be annoyed by you for the rest of my life…”
The tone is yours to set. The only rule is that it sounds like something you’d actually say.
Wedding Vows for Her — Tips and Example Openings
The same principles apply — specific, honest, yours. A few example openings:
“I didn’t know what I was looking for until I found it. And then I found you, and everything made a lot more sense…”
“I’ve written this out seven times. This is the eighth version and I’ve decided it’s as good as it’s going to get, so here we go…”
“There are a hundred things I want to say to you today. I’ve narrowed it down to three. Here they are…”
If emotion comes up when you’re reading them in practice, don’t try to write the emotion out. That means you’ve written something true. Have a pause built in. Your photographer will thank you — the photograph of someone trying to hold it together while saying something they mean is always the one.
Wedding Vows Examples — Two Full Sets
Here are two short example sets to show how the structure comes together. Change everything. Put your names in. Make them yours.
Example Wedding Vows — Him
“I’ve known since [specific memory] that I wanted to be with you. Not because it was easy, but because even when it wasn’t, I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.
I promise to always listen first. To make you laugh when you need it and be quiet when you need that instead. To be someone you can bring your worst days to, not just your best ones.
I’m so glad I get to do this with you. Let’s go.”
Example Wedding Vows — Her
“I could stand here and list every reason I love you and we’d be here until Tuesday. So I’ll keep it to three.
You are kind — genuinely, quietly kind, in ways most people don’t notice but I always do.
You make ordinary days feel like something.
And you make me feel like the best version of myself.
I promise to do the same for you. Every day, for the rest of our lives.”
Tips From a Wedding Photographer — What Makes Vows Land
I’ve been at the front of a lot of ceremonies with a camera. Here’s what I know:
The pauses matter.
The beat after a funny line, the moment before the hard part — that’s where the photographs are. Don’t rush through. Let it breathe.
Read them to someone first.
Not for feedback — just to hear your own voice saying them out loud before the day. The first time you say them aloud shouldn’t be in the ceremony.
Print them.
Not your phone. A phone screen dims, requires unlocking, and looks like a phone in photographs. Printed cards — even a folded piece of paper — photograph infinitely better and won’t run out of battery.
Don’t panic if something goes wrong.
I once photographed a ceremony where a bee flew into the room right in the middle of the vows. The groom stopped, looked at it on his shoulder, looked at his partner, and said ‘one second.’ The whole room laughed — and then cried twice as hard when he finished. The interruptions become part of the story. Don’t try to be perfect. Try to be present.
Consider a private moment.
I once photographed a couple who chose to exchange their personal vows privately — just the two of them, before the ceremony. No guests, no audience. A quiet moment with their truest words. Then they went and got legally married in front of everyone they loved. I stood well back with a longer lens. It was one of the most intimate things I’ve ever been trusted to witness. If the idea of saying your most honest words in front of 120 people feels impossible, know that there are other ways to do it.
FAQ — How to Write Wedding Vows
Do both people write their own vows?
Usually yes, if you’re going the personal route — but you don’t have to. Some couples write them together, some write separately, some use traditional vows with one personal addition. There’s no rule. Decide together and tell your officiant.
Should wedding vows be funny or serious?
Both work. The ones that tend to work best are a little of each — something that makes people laugh and then catches them off guard with something honest. Pure comedy can feel like armour. Pure solemnity can feel heavy. A bit of both usually lands exactly how you want.
What if I cry during my vows?
You probably will. So will they. So will at least six guests. Build in a pause. Breathe. Everyone in that room wants you to get through it and they’re entirely on your side.
Do we have to use traditional wedding vows?
Not in a civil ceremony — you can personalise freely, as long as you include the legal declarations required by your registrar. In a Church of England service there’s less flexibility, though personal additions are often possible. A celebrant-led ceremony gives you the most freedom of all.
How far in advance should I write my vows?
Start at least a month before the wedding. Write a first draft, leave it for a week, then revisit. Don’t finalise them the night before — you want to have lived with them long enough to know they feel right.
How long should wedding vows be?
Aim for 150–300 words per person — roughly one to three minutes when read aloud. Enough to mean something, short enough to stay with people.
Looking for a Kent Wedding Photographer?
I’m James — a documentary wedding photographer based in Ramsgate. I photograph weddings across Kent and beyond, at venues from Chapel House Estate to Cooling Castle Barn. If you’ve found your venue and you’re looking for a photographer who’ll capture your vows properly — the pauses, the shaking hands, the moment it all lands — get in touch.
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